2RedBeans
20 Crushes All Rejected Me How Should I Start in 2020?
Penny, a lifelong single, is undoubtedly the warrior woman in our circle of friends. Shes financially independent, having bought a car and a house on her own with a loan just a year after graduation. Her boyfriend energy is off the charts—she often drives a U-Haul around town, helping friends move and unload without a single complaint. She can carry heavy bags of rice and unclog drains with ease.
At one point, she proudly declared: I dont need a man. A level-ten expert on the International Loneliness Scale, she remains unfazed, breezing through life single and utterly content.
But there are moments when she realizes she’s not as invincible as she thought. A blizzard rages outside, and as she steps out, the loud slam of the door behind her reminds her she forgot her keys. Holding a flimsy, leaky umbrella, she can’t hail an Uber on the streets of New York, only to have a passing car splash her with icy water before speeding away, leaving her cursing in frustration. When menstrual cramps leave her bedridden, the only food delivery options are cold pizza, burgers, and iced soda—no one at home to even mutter, Drink more hot water.
No matter how packed a solo life may seem, loneliness and helplessness always find a way to sneak in.
Penny finally reached out for help through the cracks of life, crying and shouting, Im really done being single! Sure enough, no one is a saint when it comes to love—warrior Penny joined the vast army of blind daters.
Once, she could brainstorm 10 solutions for couple fights and 5 breakup recovery plans for friends in relationships. But no matter how much theoretical knowledge she had, real-life application remained her fatal flaw.
The once love guru was defeated in her own romantic pursuits. She carefully met 20 men, all of whom she had deep online conversations with beforehand—yet not a single one made it to a second date.
- Why do great online connections fizzle out in person?
First, lets acknowledge a truth: Love at first sight is a fairy tale; instant rejection is reality. According to the psychological primacy effect, first impressions play a crucial, even decisive, role in how we evaluate people and situations. This is especially true when sizing up a potential partner for marriage—scrutiny is inevitable, and a single word, gesture, or detail can be enough to call it quits.
On one hand, this approach may help filter out mismatches with minimal time investment. On the other, it risks hastily dismissing someone who could have been a great match. The more people you meet, the higher your standards unconsciously rise, ironically making it harder to settle down.
He’s good-looking, but not as charming as the last one.
Let’s see the next option—I’ve been single this long anyway.
As we age, love becomes more about efficiency. No one has time for drawn-out guessing games. Many assume it’s over if the other person doesn’t reach out by the next day.
Another hurdle? Misaligned emotional timelines. Research from the University of Toronto shows men often fall faster, deciding within weeks, while women take months to confirm their feelings—first Do I like him? then Does he like me? This disconnect quietly dooms many potential relationships before they even begin.
Apparently, finding love isnt just about sincerity—it requires strategy. A little psychology helps, and perhaps some statistics too.
2 Statistical Truths About Dating
Mathematician Hannah Fry wrote a book called The Mathematics of Love: Patterns, Proofs, and the Search for the Ultimate Equation, which offers some intriguing insights:
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People who take the initiative, risking rejection, are more likely to find love than those who wait passively. They also report higher satisfaction in their relationships—regardless of gender.
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What are the odds of meeting someone who checks all your boxes? A British mathematician once calculated that in a city of 4 million women, only 26 met all his criteria. But by relaxing just one requirement—say, education—his pool of potential partners suddenly expanded to over 1,000. So, adjusting even a single preference can dramatically widen your options.
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Which of the following two people is more likely to find a partner?
One is someone who receives mixed reviews but has distinctive features, while the other is someone with above-average looks but lacks uniqueness. Statistics suggest the answer is—the first one. For most average-looking individuals, chasing uniform beauty is less effective than cultivating personal distinctiveness. Even after realizing this, finding a partner still requires self-improvement.
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How to Exude Charm to the Opposite Sex
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Charm ≠ Perfection
Charm and perfection are entirely different things. When watching movies or TV shows, you’ve probably noticed this: a vivid, occasionally flawed antagonist often leaves a deeper impression than a flawless, overpowered protagonist.
A person who is genuine—someone who cries, gets angry, and shows vulnerability—tends to be more captivating than someone who is always composed. Charm is a subjective reaction from the other person.
Enhancing your charm isn’t about meeting impossibly high standards or striving for flawlessness.
- Guys, Learn to Invest in Yourself
Girls never lack guys who treat them well. Many attractive girls only need to post something like, Its Christmas today—anyone want to hang out? on social media, and instantly, a swarm of guys will rush to respond—maybe even you. So, why would she choose you?
It’s widely accepted that girls spend money on nice clothes, bags, expensive cosmetics—essentially investing in themselves. But the same logic applies to guys, yet few realize it.
Where do single guys usually spend their money? Bars, alcohol, video games—none of which contribute to personal growth. And let’s not overlook this: a guy’s fashion sense and grooming significantly impact his aura. Don’t blame girls for being shallow—your sloppy appearance is something only you can tolerate.
- Girls Should Learn to Show Vulnerability
What defines a good girl? One common trait is independence. Many women despise the so-called green tea btches who pretend to be helpless—whimpering for help from their crushes even when they can easily open a bottle cap themselves.
However, as the Benjamin Franklin Effect suggests: the more someone invests in you, the more they care. Men tend to gravitate toward women who need them, as it gives them space to showcase their strength. Ironically, they often draw energy from seemingly delicate women.
Take my friend Penny, for example—a highly capable woman who unintentionally makes men feel redundant around her. Learning to show vulnerability at the right moments creates opportunities for the opposite sex to step closer. Try tactics like playful teasing, asking for help with fixing things, or seeking advice on studies and work.
According to the Law of Attraction, if you deeply desire something, you emit that signal, and things around you that resonate with it will be drawn to you. Love is no exception. Your longing, focus, and sincerity can significantly increase the chances of true love finding its way to you. Yet, there are always moments when, faced with love, we feel utterly helpless and at a loss.
Original article in simplified Chinese. Translated by AI.